Showing posts with label Motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Motivation. Show all posts

Examples Of Boundaries In life

Leave a Comment

 Don't Go though my personal belongings

Don't Criticize me

Don't Make comments about my weight

Don't Take their anger out on me

Don't Humiliate me in front of others

Don't Tell off-color jokes in my company

Don't Invade my personal space

Don't invade my Privacy

Don't A new hairstyle from an old stylist

always go for quality

Peace and quiet while getting a massage

Help around the house

More information before making a purchase

Quiet time to myself

Turn the ringer off on the phone

Take my time returning calls or e-mails

Change my mind

Bow out of a volunteer activity

Cancel a commitment when I'm not feeling well

Reserve a place in my home that is off-limits to others.

stay simple

don't fall for girls sweet talks

don't run after girls, but flirt with them let them come to you.

don't run after relations let them go if they want to go 

don't let people use you

take space be alone if needed

Saying No if needed

Refusing to Take Blame speak back loud

Expect Respect. when treated disrespect get out of the scenario

have your own identity and individuality don't lose it to please others

take help if needed

speak load and let other know how you feel not your thoughts

dictate other about your choose don't let other dictate you

You get to dictate where and with whom you spend your time, alone or apart. Maybe you don’t love going to Monday night football. Establish that Monday nights are your alone time or your weekly wine night with your pals. Perhaps you need to be by yourself for a few days after a big fight; you are within your right to ask for that. 

don't give and take credit money

always take credit for your achievements

Openly express your desire and feelings ,Share fantasies and discuss boundaries on sex to you partner. Honesty and vulnerability are powerful.

17. The Freedom to Express Spiritual Boundaries 

Your beliefs are your own, no matter how much you may or may not have in common with your partner in terms of spirituality or religion. You and your significant other should respect each other’s beliefs, foster and encourage each other’s spiritual growth, and be open to learning about the other’s culture or faith. 

18. The Right to Remain True to Your Principles

Set a boundary with yourself that your principles remain in place no matter who you are dating. Of course, you can change your mind as your conversations with your partner open new doors to new ideas. But you shouldn’t feel pressured to adopt his or her stances out of fear of upsetting them. 

19. The Ability to Communicate Physical Needs

Learn to communicate what your body needs. Are you a vegetarian and don’t want meat in the house? Are you an early riser who needs to be in bed before 10:00 pm? Then make sure your partner respects your physical needs by not making loud noises or watching TV late into the evening.

On the other hand, learn about your significant other’s boundaries. If they prefer a later bedtime, work out an arrangement rather than pressuring them to go to sleep before their biological clock allows them to. 

20. Your Right to Your Material Possessions 

Deciding what to share and what to keep for yourself is never an easy task. Some couples open joint bank accounts, while others forego that for financial independence. Material and financial boundaries are commonplace in every relationship. 

21. Your Ability to Manage Your Own Time

Another relationship boundary to set for yourself is learning to manage your time in a way that doesn’t disrespect your significant other’s.

 healthy boundaries in relationships

When you’re single, you can put off doing the dishes as long as you want. However, in a relationship, your time is not just your own. If you agree to date at 8:00 pm, it’s essential to stick to your word.

That means learning to manage your time respectfully, even when you’re alone. 


No More Mr Nice Guy Summary 📖 Robert Glover

Leave a Comment

When you were growing up, you received messages from your family and the world around you that it was not safe, acceptable, or desirable for you to be who you were, just as you were.

This has resulted in Nice Guys who…

Co-create poor relationships with women

Try to hide their flaws and mistakes

Put other people’s needs and wants before their own

And a whole laundry list of other things:

Seek approval of others

Sacrifice personal power and play the role of the victim

Disassociate themselves from other men and masculine energy

Create situations where you don’t have very much good sex

Fail to live up to their full potential

Now, if you’re a Nice Guy and you don’t have 10 minutes to watch and understand the lessons in this video, then you’ll likely continue to feel unhappy.


You might not think you’re a Nice Guy. But you could be.


So keep watching to find out if you are one.


This is a book summary of No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.


Chapter I: The Nice Guy Syndrome

Here’s some things Nice Guys say:

“I’m a Nice Guy. I’m one of the nicest guys you’re ever going to meet.”

And there’s also:

“The other day I cleaned the kitchen and did a real good job. I loaded the dishwasher, did the pots and pans, and swept the floor. I thought Heather would appreciate all that I was doing to help out. Before I was finished, she walked in and asked, ‘How come you didn’t wipe off the counters Honey?’ I wasn’t even done, for goodness sake.

Then there is the sex thing, after all I do for Heather, you’d think she would be willing to give me the one thing I want. All I want is to be loved and appreciated. Is that too much to ask?”

The Nice Guy Syndrome

The label ‘Nice Guy’ refers to their core belief system about themselves and the world around them. Nice Guys have been wrongly conditioned to believe that if they are “nice,” they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a smooth life.


This is obviously, horse shit.


Characteristics of Nice Guys

Nice Guys…


Are dishonest

Are passive-aggressive

Have difficulty setting boundaries

The working mindset of the Nice Guy is this: IF I can hide my flaws and become what I think others want me to be THEN I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life.


The Integrated Male

Recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome isn’t about going from one extreme to another. The process of breaking free from ineffective Nice Guy patterns doesn’t involve being “not nice.” Rather, it means becoming “integrated.”The integrated male knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.


And I’d argue: Even if they are afraid to work through conflict, they fricken do it anyway!


Break Free

Ask yourself the question: Why would it seem rational for a person to try to eliminate or hide certain things about himself and try to become something different? Why do people try to change who they are? Let’s answer that in the next lesson:


Chapter II: How a Nice Guy Is Made

Coping With Abandonment and Toxic Shame

When children come into the world they are helpless. As a result, every child’s greatest fear is abandonment.


You may have experienced abandonment on some level from your parents divorcing, a parent leaving, a parent dying, neglect, physical abuse, or emotional abuse. An abandoned child becomes ego-centered.


This means that they inherently believe they are the center of the universe and everything revolves around them. Therefore, they believe that they are the cause of everything that happens to them. This leads to believing something is wrong with them, so they don’t feel they can be who they are, just as they are.


This is toxic shame.


Abandoned children end up seeking approval from others to soothe their shame. Their behaviors can manifest as the aggressive pursuit of success, working out excessively, trying to fit in by causing drama, trying to be funny, and trying to please others.




Chapter III: Learn to Please The Only Person Who Really Matters

Identify How You Seek Approval

Cal is a typical Nice Guy, he tries to get external validation by always being in a good mood, driving a nice car, dressing well, and having a cute daughter.


Cal likes to dress his fourteen-month-old daughter in a cute dress and take her to the park.


From the moment he begins to dress her he is unconsciously attaching his value and identity to the acknowledgement he thinks he will receive from being a good dad.


Just about everything a Nice Guy does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone’s approval or to avoid disapproval.


Free yourself of seeking approval by identifying your approval seeking behaviors and then putting a stop to them.


Chapter IV: Make Your Needs A Priority

Nice Guys generally focus their attention on meeting everyone else’s needs while trying to be “low maintenance” kinds of guys themselves.


This pattern among Nice Guys is the result of childhood conditioning. When a child’s needs are not met in a timely, healthy manner-He may think that it is his needs that cause people to hurt him or abandon him.


Beneath this act of needlessness and wantlessness, all Nice Guys are actually extremely needy. Consequently, when they are trying to get their needs met, Nice Guys can be indirect, unclear, manipulative, and controlling.


Things You Do That Prevent You From Getting Your Needs Met

I. You Make It Difficult For Others To Give To You

Since it was when they had the most needs that they felt the most abandoned, they believed it was their needs that drove people away. Allow other people to help you to become a more integrated male and get your needs met.


II. You Use Covert Contracts

The Nice Guy’s covert contract is: I will do something for you so that in return you will do something for me but we will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract. So I challenge you to think for a moment: Identify at least 1 covert contract between you and someone you care about.


Chapter V: 5 Ways to Reclaim Your Power

1. Set Boundaries

For the next week, observe yourself. Do you say “yes” when you would rather say “no”?


Clearly establish what you are willing to tolerate, and what you aren’t.


For example, one of my boundaries in a relationship is that I’m not willing to sacrifice eating healthy food any less than 5 days per week, every week, for the rest of my life.


2. Surrender The Things You Cannot Control

Surrender doesn’t mean giving up, it means letting go of what one can’t change and changing what one can.


3. Face Your Fears

Because of the fear created in childhood, Nice Guys still approach the world as if it is dangerous and overpowering. To cope with these realities, Nice Guys typically hunker down and play it safe. As a consequence of playing it safe, Nice Guys experience a lot of needless suffering. Suffering from procrastinating and not living the life they want to live. Pick one fear you have and make it your goal to overcome that fear by starting with small steps.


4. Develop Integrity

Most Nice Guys pride themselves on being honest and trustworthy. In reality, Nice Guys are dishonest. They have the ability to tell a lie or withhold the truth and still believe the illusion that they are honest people. Since dishonesty is a fear-based behavior, telling lies and withholding the truth robs Nice Guys of their personal power.


5. Express Your Feelings

And I want to harp on about this one because I believe it’s one of the most important. To FACE your feelings. Not even just express them to someone else. But to actually face your own BULLSHIT. Enough of putting in those music headphones to distract yourself from your own self, your own feelings, your own emotions.


Feelings are an integral part of human existence. By learning the language of feelings, recovering Nice Guys like yourself can begin to let go of a lifetime of unnecessary baggage.


And boy, as you do, you might just get to a point where finally you feel that you are Charlie, and you have just won the golden ticket, to Willy Wonka’s factory.


Chapter VI: Reclaim Your Masculinity

Boys growing up without the presence of male role models has helped shape the problem of Nice Guys.


Following the industrial revolution, fathers had to leave their sons and work in factories and offices while their sons were raised mostly by their mothers and other women.


This social conditioning has the effect of Nice Guys being disconnected from other men. Fix this by making friends with masculine male role models.


Chapter VII: Get The Love You Want – Success Strategies For Intimate Relationships

Why Nice Guys Struggle To Get The Love They Want

Most Nice Guys do not report having had a close relationship with their father in childhood. As a result, many Nice Guys were forced into an unhealthy bond with their mother.


The tendency of Nice Guys to be monogamous to their mothers seriously inhibits having any kind of a genuinely intimate relationship with a partner in adulthood.


Nice Guys Co-Create Dysfunctional Relationships

Nice guys try to balance their fear of vulnerability with their fear of isolation. Vulnerability means someone may get too close to them and see how bad they are. Nice Guys are convinced that when others make this discovery, these people will hurt them, shame them, or leave them.


The alternative doesn’t seem any better. Isolating themselves from others recreates the abandonment experiences that were so terrifying in childhood. In order to balance his fear of vulnerability and fear of abandonment, a Nice Guy needs help.


He finds it in people who are equally wounded and also have difficulty with intimacy. Together they co-create relationships that simultaneously frustrate all parties while protecting them from their fear of being found out.


There are 2 types of Nice Guys: Enmeshers and Avoiders. This intimacy balancing act plays out in 2 ways:


Enmeshers are overly involved in an intimate relationship at the expense of one’s self and other outside interests.


Avoiders on the other hand are emotionally unavailable to a primary partner while playing the Nice Guy role outside of the relationship.


How to Get The Love You Want

Set Boundaries

When a recovering Nice Guy sets boundaries with his partner, it makes her feel secure. In general, when women feel secure, they feel loved.


Setting boundaries also creates respect. When a Nice Guy fails to set boundaries it communicates to his partner that he doesn’t really honor himself, so why should she?


Chapter VIII: Get The Sex You Want

1. Come Out of The Closet

Internalized shame and fear are the greatest barriers to a satisfying sex life. You can read all the books you want or take the $3,000 bootcamps over in Las Vegas. But none of these things will help get the sex you want, so as long as you have unaddressed shame and fear about being sexual.


2. Talk About It

Find a safe place to talk about the following issues:


Your sexual history

Earliest sexual memory

Childhood Experiences

Sexual violation and trauma

Sexual issues in your family

3. Be Sexual With Yourself Without Pornography and Fantasizing

Until you can be sexual with yourself without using pornography or fantasy to distract yourself, you won’t be able to have healthy sex.


Pornography creates a trance in which you can be sexual while staying distracted from your shame and fear. Pornography compounds shame because it is usually hidden and used in secret.


Fantasy is a form of dissociation — the process of separating one’s body from one’s mind. The only thing fantasy accomplishes is to distract you from your shame and fear or cover up the fact that you are having bad sex.


4. Say “No” To Bad Sex

Hate to break it to you laddy’, but it’s time to abandon that fantasy of inserting your jolly-manger into easy 6’s from Bangkok.


When you decide you will no longer settle for anything less than good sex, you will begin to take responsibility for doing something different. You will let go of the concept of being a great lover. You will practice being clear and direct. You will choose an available partner. You will decide that bad sex is not better than no sex!


5. Follow The Example Of The Bull Moose

In nature, the alpha male and the bull moose don’t sit around trying to figure out what will make the girls like them. They are themselves: fierce, strong, competitive, and sexually proud. Because they are what they are and do what they do, the chicks are attracted. As recovering Nice Guys become comfortable just being themselves, they begin to attract healthy relationships.


Chapter IX: Get The Life You Want

As you look at the reality of your life, ask yourself two questions: First, are you creating the life you want?


Second, If not, why not?


It’s likely because of fear. Face your fears head on, for that’s the only way to get the life you want.




Let’s recap. In today’s video, you learned…




Chapter I: The Nice Guy Syndrome


Which is the conditioned belief that they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a smooth life.

Chapter II: The Making Of A Nice Guy


Due to parental issues growing up, nice guys feel abandoned and become ego-centered as a result

Chapter III: Stop People Pleasing


Chapter IV: Make Your Needs A Priority


Chapter V: Reclaim Your Personal Power


By setting boundaries, surrendering the things you can’t control, facing your fears, developing integrity, and expressing your feelings

Chapter VI: Make friends with masculine male role models


Chapter VII: Get The Love You Want


Nice guys are afraid of opening up to a partner but also afraid of being alone, so they are rarely comfortable

To fix this, set boundaries

Chapter VIII: Get The Sex You Want


By talking about it in a safe space with other men, learn to be sexual with yourself without pornography or fantasy, say no to bad sex, and be grounded in yourself

Chapter IX: Get the Life You Want


By facing your fears

Congrats on watching this video to the end, because it shows you’re serious about becoming the man who has his sh*t together.

Persistence for success

Leave a Comment

Nothing in this world can take the place of good old persistence. Talent won't. Nothing's more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius won't. Unrecognized genius is practically a cliche. Education won't. Why the world is full of educated fools. Persistence and determination alone are all powerful.”

There’s no substitute, there’s no replacement for it.Persistence… To set a goal… to have a dream… and to NOT STOP until you achieve what you want.

Persistence is a quality of winners… I believe it’s within all of us and if it is within all of us…. it must be within YOU.

Nothing great can be achieved without persistence… because nothing great comes to those who QUIT when things get hard…

The will to persist through challenges, the strength to persevere in hard times…. That is what will carry you from the bottom to the top… from no way to FINDING A WAY.

Not many people have persistence… and that is why not many people have the life they want.

These days… most people are looking for a shortcut… the new secret sauce… the next get rich quick scheme… or the next super secret ingredient… but truth be told… The secret is to get started… KEEP GOING and NEVER STOP… not through success and absolutely NEVER through failure or challenges… THAT IS EXACTLY WHEN YOU MUST PERSIST.

We all want fast wins, but greatness takes time! You can’t rush your greatness, you have to put in the TIME… if you’re not willing to put in the TIME you don’t deserve the REWARDS.

If… in any field of your choosing… you’re willing to go the distance… willing to keep working improving and keep moving forward… you WILL… eventually come on top… it really is that simple

Set your targets and keep moving forward. Just don’t.. EVER…STOP.

Read the stories of any great entrepreneur, inventor, sports person… they all have one thing in common – PERSISTENCE. They stayed in the game longer than their competitors… they refused to accept temporary defeat as permanent failure… the KEPT GOING no matter what… and in the end they got their rewards.

Life… it’s a journey… a beautiful journey but a tough journey. It can be heaven or it can be hell and a lot of people would claim it is hell – if you’re one of those people you can climb out of that hell – and the first place to start is by changing your OWN MENTALITY. That might not be what you want to hear, but it is the only thing that is going to give you a drastically different life.

When you have strong goals, and your mentality is strong – you can face more, you can take more, you WILL PERSEVERE MORE and because of all of that you will WIN MORE and enjoy life MORE.







Will the journey be difficult…yes

Will you stop… NO!!

Will you feel like quitting…. yes… But will you quit…. NO!!



GOALS SO POWERFUL THAT… When the world is against you… friends are against you… even you might be against yourself… YOU WILL DIG DEEP AND PERSIST… THROUGH ANYTHING!

You DON’T need talent. You DON’T need to be the best. You DON’T need to be the smartest… You might even start at a disadvantage… but if you are SO COMMITTED to your goals that you will PERSIST THROUGH ANYTHING… I guarantee you… eventually, one day you will come out on top and YES!!! IT WILL BE WORTH IT!

If you persist… something will give. If you persist… things eventually go your way.

Most people don’t go the distance… you have to be willing to go the distance! It may take you years to get to where you want to go… most people aren’t committed for years… they’re barely committed for 5 minutes… I don’t know about you but I think it is better to trade a few years of struggle for a lifetime of pride.

Set your goals, get going and do not stop!

You say you want it? Well… you have to put in the long hours, you have to put in the overtime, go the extra mile, the extra step, the late nights, the sleepless nights, the hard times, the impossible times. Those are the tests sent for you to prove you deserve this…

Life is going to test you, it’s going to throw EVERYTHING your way… I think these things are sent to see if you really want what you say you want.

Not everybody is willing to give it their all to get what they want, the majority will quit at any sign of resistance… But you have to be in the uncommon group of people that know what they want and won’t stop until they get it.

What can stop the unstoppable?

Again I ask?

What can stop the unstoppable?!


What can stop the unstoppable?

Again I ask?

What can stop the unstoppable?!


Not everyday will go well, not everything you try will work, you won’t always knock it out of the park and you’ll probably fail many more times then you’ll succeed but what would happen if you set your goals and targets and just didn’t ever stop moving towards them?

Just think about what you could achieve if you always made that EXTRA EFFORT… Sent that extra e-mail, put in the extra work, worked overtime, did an extra set, an extra rep, the extra mile… How good would your life be now if you decided TEN YEARS AGO to always do extra? No point crying about that now – but don’t look back in another ten years and wish you did extra… don’t look back in 1 year and wish you PERSISTED through challenges.

Set your goals NOW and write a commitment to yourself:



Yes there are people that may be more talented than you, people that have more money, more opportunity, more support, more help, more ability, more everything… But persistence…will be your equaliser… Your secret weapon.

You have it within you, you ARE special and you have it within!

Keep moving forward…

The 48 Laws of Power

Leave a Comment

The 48 Laws of Power is the definitive guide to help readers achieve for themselves what Queen Elizabeth I, Henry Kissinger, Louis XIV and Machiavelli learned the hard way. Based on the history of power, Robert Greene offers a guide of how you can effectively lead and utilize power. If you follow these 48 laws, you can harness the knowledge that powerful people of the past learned firsthand through personal mistakes.

Law 1: Never Outshine the Master 

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents. If you do, you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are, and you will attain the heights of power.

Law 2: Never Put Too Much Trust in Friends; Learn How to Use Enemies 

Be wary of your friends. Friends will often betray you more quickly, for they are more easily aroused by envy. Friends can also become spoiled and tyrannical. Therefore, hire a former enemy This former enemy will be more loyal than a friend because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.

Law 3: Conceal Your Intentions 

Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelop them in enough smoke. Then, by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.

Law 4: Always Say Less Than Necessary

When you are trying to impress people with words you should limit your words. The more you say, the less you seem in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will appear original if you make it vague and open-ended. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

Law 5: So Much Depends on Reputation – Guard it With Your Life

Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone, you can intimidate and win. Despite this, once you slip you are vulnerable and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then, stand aside and let public opinion hang them.

Law 6: Court Attention at All Costs

Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all costs. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, and more mysterious.

Law 7: Get Others to Do the Work For You, But Always Take the Credit

Use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, but it will also give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end, your helpers will be forgotten, and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.

Law 8: Make Other People Come to You – Use Bait if Necessary

When you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process. Lure him with remarkable gains – then attack. You hold the cards.

Law 9: Win Through Your Actions, Never Through Argument

Any momentary triumph you think is gained through argument is not worthwhile. The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary opinion change. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.

Law 10: Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky

You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man, but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you—associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

Law 11: Learn to Keep People Dependent on You

To maintain your independence, you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity, and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.

Law 12: Use Selective Honesty and Generosity to Disarm Your Victim

One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will. A timely gift – a Trojan horse – will serve the same purpose.

Law 13: When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest, Never to Their Mercy or Gratitude

If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother reminding them of your past assistance and good deeds. They will find a way to ignore you. Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance, that will benefit them. Emphasize it out of all proportion. They will respond enthusiastically when they see something to be gained for themselves.

Law 14: Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy

Knowing about your rival is critical. Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead. Better still: Play the spy yourself. In polite social encounters, learn to probe. Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions. There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying.

Law 15: Crush Your Enemy Totally

All great leaders since Moses have known that a feared enemy must be crushed completely. If one ember is left alight, no matter how dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. More is lost by stopping halfway than through total annihilation: The enemy will recover and seek revenge. Crush him, not only in body but in spirit.

Law 16: Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor

Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about and more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.

Law 17: Keep Others in Suspended Terror: Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability

Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables: Be deliberately unpredictable. Behavior that seems to have no consistency or purpose will keep them off-balance, and they will wear themselves out trying to explain your moves. Taken to an extreme, this strategy can intimidate and terrorize.

Law 18: Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself – Isolation Is Dangerous

 The world is dangerous, and enemies are everywhere – everyone must protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. However, isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from. Fortresses cut you off from valuable information, make you conspicuous, and are an easy target. It is better to circulate among people, find allies, and mingle. You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.

Law 19: Know Who You’re Dealing With – Do Not Offend the Wrong Person

“Never assume that the person you are dealing with is weaker or less important than you are. Some people are slow to take offense, which may make you misjudge the thickness of their skin, and fail to worry about insulting them. But should you offend their honor and their pride, they will overwhelm you with a violence that seems sudden and extreme given their slowness to anger. If you want to turn people down, it is best to do so politely and respectfully, even if you feel their request is impudent or their offer ridiculous.” – Robert Greene

There are many kinds of people globally, and you can never assume everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people, and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs’ clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully – never offend or deceive the wrong person.

Law 20: Do Not Commit to Anyone

It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others. Play people against one another and make them pursue you.

Law 21: Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker – Seem Dumber Than Your Mark

No one likes feeling less intelligent than the next person. The trick, then, is to make your victims feel smart – and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect you may have ulterior motives.

Law 22: Use the Surrender Tactic: Transform Weakness Into Power 

When you are weaker, never fight for honor’s sake; choose surrender instead. Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and irritate your conqueror, and time to wait for his power to wane. Do not give him the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you – surrender first. By turning the other cheek, you infuriate and unsettle him. Make surrender a tool of power.

Law 23: Concentrate Your Forces

 Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper than by flitting from one shallow mine to another. Intensity defeats extensity every time. When looking for power sources to elevate you, find the one key patron. Find the fat cow who will give you milk for a long time to come.

Law 24: Play the Perfect Courtier

The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection. He flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the most oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtiership, and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court.

Law 25: Recreate Yourself

Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity – one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define it for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced, and your character will appear larger than life.

Law 26: Keep Your Hands Clean

You must seem a paragon of civility and efficiency. Your hands should never be soiled by mistakes and nasty deeds. Maintain this spotless appearance by using others as scapegoats and cat’s-paws to disguise your involvement.

Law 27: Play on People’s Need to Create a Cult-Like Following

People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Become the focal point of such desire by offering them a cause and a new faith to follow. Keep your words vague but full of promise. Emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking. Give your new disciples rituals to perform and ask them to make sacrifices on your behalf. Your new belief system will bring you untold power in the absence of organized religion and grand causes.

Law 28: Enter Action With Boldness

“If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.” – Robert Greene

If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous. It is better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.

Law 29: Plan All the Way to the End

The ending is everything. Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune. By planning to the end, you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances, and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead.

Law 30: Make Your Accomplishments Seem Effortless

“When you show yourself to the world and display your talents, you naturally stir all kinds of resentment, envy, and other manifestations of insecurity… you cannot spend your life worrying about the petty feelings of others” – Robert Greene

Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. All the toil and practice that go into them, and all the clever tricks, must be concealed. When you act, act effortlessly. Act as if you could do much more. Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions. Teach no one your tricks, or they will be used against you.

Law 31: Control the Options: Get Others to Play With the Cards You Deal With

The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice. Your victims feel they are in control but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favor, whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose. 

Law 32: Play to People’s Fantasies

The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes from disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance are like oases in the desert: Everyone flocks to them. There is tremendous power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses.

Law 33: Discover Each Man’s Thumbscrew

Everyone has a weakness. Greene calls this a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usually an insecurity or an uncontrollable emotion or need. Additionally, it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.

Law 34: Be Royal in Your Own Fashion: Act Like a King to Be Treated Like One

The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated. In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. A king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.

Law 35: Master the Art of Timing

 Never appear in a hurry – hurrying betrays insufficient control over yourself, and over time. Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Become a detective of the right moment. Sniff out the spirit of the times and the trends that will carry you to power. Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition.

Law 36: Disdain Things You Cannot Have: Ignoring Them Is the Best Revenge

By acknowledging a petty problem, you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him. A minor mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

Law 37: Create Compelling Spectacles

Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power – everyone responds to them. Stage spectacles for those around you, full of arresting visuals and radiant symbols that heighten your presence. Dazzled by appearances, no one will notice what you are really doing.

Law 38: Think as You Like But Behave Like Others

Make a show of going against the times. Flaunt your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways. People will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Only share your originality with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.

Law 39: Stir Up Waters to Catch Fish

Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective. However, if you can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself, you gain a clear advantage. Put your enemies off-balance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them, and you hold the strings.

Law 40: Despise the Free Lunch

What is offered for free is dangerous – It usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way, you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.

Law 41: Avoid Stepping Into a Great Man’s Shoes

 What happens first always appears more original than what comes after. If you succeed a great man or have a famous parent, you will have to accomplish double their achievements to outshine them. Do not get lost in their shadow or stuck in a past not of your own making. Establish your own name and identity by changing course. Slay the overbearing father, disparage his legacy, and gain power by shining in your own way.

Law 42: Strike the Shepherd and the Sheep Will Scatter

Trouble can often be traced to a single strong individual – the stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoned of goodwill. If you allow such people room to operate, others will succumb to their influence. Do not wait for the troubles to multiply. Do not try to negotiate with them – they are irredeemable. Neutralize their influence by isolating or banishing them. Strike at the source of trouble, and the sheep will scatter.

Law 43: Work on the Hearts and Minds of Others

Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you. You must seduce others into wanting to move in your direction. A person you have seduced becomes your loyal pawn. The way to seduce others is to operate on their individual psychologies and weaknesses. Soften up the resistant by working on their emotions. Play on what they hold dear and what they fear. Ignore the hearts and minds of others, and they will grow to hate you.

Law 44: Disarm and Infuriate With the Mirror Effect

The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception. When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values. By holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of the Mirror Effect.

Law 45: Preach the Need For Change, But Never Reform Too Much at Once

Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but people are creatures of habit on the day-to-day level. Too much innovation is traumatic and will lead to revolt. If you are new to a position of power, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things. If change is necessary, make it feel like a gentle improvement on the past.

Law 46: Never Appear Too Perfect

Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.

Law 47: Do Not Go Past the Mark You Aimed For; in Victory, Learn When to Stop

The moment of victory is often the moment of greatest peril. In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for. By going too far, you produce more enemies than you defeat. Do not allow success to go to your head. There is no substitute for strategy and careful planning. Set a goal, and when you reach it, stop.

Law 48: Assume Formlessness

By taking a shape and by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack. Instead of taking a form for your enemy to grasp, keep yourself adaptable and on the move. Accept the fact that nothing is certain and no law is fixed. The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water. Never bet on stability or lasting order—everything changes.


Leave a Comment

Find Your Inner Calling

Each of us has our own unique calling in life. There is a discipline or field perfect for you. If you have a feeling about a specific discipline, then Robert Greene suggests you trust this feeling. Often, people suppress this uniqueness and instead follow the actions of others. However, although there are some advantages to this approach, you will never find your inner calling. Greene highlights that most geniuses and influential individuals from history had a moment of clarity where they suddenly understood and accepted their inner calling. 

To reiterate this point, Greene offers the example of Leonardo Da Vinci. For Leonardo, his inner calling became apparent when he started stealing sheets of paper from his father’s office. He stole this paper to engage with his deepest passion: sketching animals in the forest. Many attribute their inner calling to a word from God. However, no matter how you view your inner voice, you should always listen to it. In doing so, you can find your inner calling.

Learning Is More Important Than Short-Term Successes

“Think of it this way: There are two kinds of failure. The first comes from never trying out your ideas because you are afraid, or because you are waiting for the perfect time. This kind of failure you can never learn from, and such timidity will destroy you. The second kind comes from a bold and venturesome spirit. If you fail in this way, the hit that you take to your reputation is greatly outweighed by what you learn. Repeated failure will toughen your spirit and show you with absolute clarity how things must be done.” – Robert Greene

After identifying one’s inner calling, people search for opportunities with the greatest prestige or financial reward. However, Greene suggests that alternative rewards are more important than short-term successes. He believes that roles that provide you with an opportunity to learn are a better choice than ones that offer short-term praise. Therefore, consider these roles even if they do not pay well. You can obtain prestigious and well-paid jobs further down the line. Importantly, you are potentially more likely to obtain these prestigious jobs if you have learned along the way. The practical knowledge you obtain from a learning role will help you for decades to come. The short-term gains you make from a prestigious job will not be influential in your life in decades’ time.

Notable Examples

Freddie Roach

Greene offers the example of boxer Freddie Roach. Instead of immediately pushing for the big time, he instead took an unpaid position at a boxing center. In this role, Roach was able to effectively develop his skills and guaranteed his future professional career in boxing. In the end, Roach earned considerably more money than if he had taken a well-paid job in a different field earlier on.

Charles Darwin

Freddie Roach is not the only example of a highly successful individual prioritizing learning over prestige during their primary years. For example, Charles Darwin rejected places at a medical school and a well-paid job in a church. Instead of engaging with these opportunities, Darwin chose an alternative route that emphasized learning. He convinced his father to allow him to work as an unpaid worker on the HMS Beagle. On this journey, he learned incredible amounts about exotic plants and animals. Without making this decision, Darwin may have never been the person to develop the theory of evolution.

Benjamin Franklin

Finally, Greene explains how Benjamin Franklin also engaged with learning opportunities over monetary gains. Franklin’s father ran a lucrative candle-making business and suggested Benjamin took over the family business. Undoubtedly, this would have been the easier option and would have provided Franklin with immediate monetary reward. However, Franklin decided to move away and work at a printing business. This role offered him the opportunity to learn how text was composed. The result of this learning process was becoming one of the most influential Americans to ever live. 

Greene explains that these three offer just a tiny proportion of the famous individuals who chose learning over short-term success. Therefore, you should avoid fixating on prestige or money. Instead, search for opportunities that will help you learn and develop your skills. In the long-term, you will benefit considerably more from these opportunities. 

Search for a Mentor

Greene highlights the importance of learning. However, he admits that this is easier said than done. Therefore, Greene recommends encouraging your learning by searching for somebody who can mentor you in your chosen skill. Learning alone is often associated with preventable mistakes and wasting time trying to understand where you made your mistake. This approach will only waste your time and resources. 

The alternative is to find yourself a mentor who can effectively guide you during your learning process. The outcome of this partnership should be more efficient learning and, subsequently, saved time and resources. Greene is keen to point out that mentorship is never a one-way relationship. Never feel like you are leeching off another individual’s capabilities, as a mentor will always benefit from this relationship. A mentor-mentee relationship is often productive for two reasons:

The mentor regards the apprentice as a younger version of themselves. Therefore, they are more interested and invested in the future of the apprentice. 

The apprentice admires the mentor for reaching their current skill level. Hence, they pay much closer attention and absorb their knowledge far more readily than from other sources.

The Example of Alexander the Great

Another key factor to consider is that a mentor-mentee relationship does not have to limit your progress. Some people believe you are limited to the skill level your mentor has acquired. However, history suggests this assumption is incorrect. For example, Alexander the Great learned about governing a state from the great philosopher Aristotle. Most would argue that Alexander the Great easily surpassed the skill set of Aristotle as a governor. Alexander built on the lessons he had learned from Aristotle and tailored these lessons based on his own experiences. Hence, Greene believes your goal should always be to surpass rather than match your mentor. The best approach for doing this is taking their lessons onboard and molding them through your own innate strengths.

Think Innovatively and Challenge the Rules

“We are all in search of feeling more connected to reality—to other people, the times we live in, the natural world, our character, and our own uniqueness. Our culture increasingly tends to separate us from these realities in various ways. We indulge in drugs or alcohol, or engage in dangerous sports or risky behavior, just to wake ourselves up from the sleep of our daily existence and experience a heightened sense of connection to reality. In the end, however, the most satisfying and powerful way to feel this connection is through creative activity. Engaged in the creative process we feel more alive than ever, because we are making something and not merely consuming, Masters of the small reality we create. In doing this work, we are in fact creating ourselves.” – Robert Greene

An effective mentor will provide you with all the most important aspects related to your field. However, these fundamentals should only act as a foundation for two reasons. Firstly, you should always be seeking to surpass what is already known. Secondly, the world is always changing, and you need to adapt as these changes surface. You cannot stay an apprentice forever. Therefore, you need to become fearless and adopt an open mind. Greene points out that this approach is similar to what we were like when we were children. A child’s mind is entirely open to new ideas and believes anything is possible. Plus, children are highly inquisitive about the world.

Children Are True Problem-Solvers

Greene believes that the natural state of humans is showcased by children. Naturally, we thrive off being open-minded and questioning everything we don’t understand. Despite this, adult humans are limited by external pressures. One of the few circumstances where humans generally adopt the openness they have when they were children is while they are on holiday. When you are experiencing a foreign culture, you can’t remain stuck in your old habits and experiences. Therefore, you are forced to be open-minded again. Seeing the world with a child’s eyes is one of the most enjoyable things about traveling.

The Example of Mozart

Try to imagine the freedom and adventurousness you experience when you are in a foreign country. You are willing to break your personal rules and alter the expectations you and others have of yourself. Implement this same freedom as soon as you have finished your apprenticeship with your chosen mentor. This freedom will allow you to grow in your unique way and achieve mastery. Unique mastery is a key feature of the most successful people throughout history. For example, Mozart was a highly talented musician from a young age. However, he was tired of performing the classic piano music that was popular among all talented musicians. Therefore, he decided to compose his own music. Mozart utilized much of the knowledge he had obtained from music that had gone before him. However, he provided his own unique twist to attain mastery. To Greene, this is true innovation. Mozart’s audiences were more impressed by his music than other musicians, as he had provided a degree of originality. Therefore, try to take the rules in your chosen field and change them slightly by providing your own unique twist.

Train Your Mind to Problem Solve

“With our limited senses and consciousness, we only glimpse a small portion of reality. Furthermore, everything in the universe is in a state of constant flux. Simple words and thoughts cannot capture this flux or complexity. The only solution for an enlightened person is to let the mind absorb itself in what it experiences, without having to form a judgment on what it all means. The mind must be able to feel doubt and uncertainty for as long as possible. As it remains in this state and probes deeply into the mysteries of the universe, ideas will come that are more dimensional and real than if we had jumped to conclusions and formed judgments early on.” – Robert Greene

Problem-solving is one of the crucial skills associated with success. However, Greene believes that solving problems in original and creative ways is even more effective. Importantly, he also believes this problem-solving ability can be trained. 

Training Techniques for Problem-Solving

Firstly, try to broaden your mind and avoid tunnel visioning on certain solutions. Humans are creatures of habit, which means we often overuse suboptimal solutions. A solution working for one problem need not mean it will work to solve your current problems. Instead of intuitively reusing solutions, you should stop and consider whether this solution could even work. Similar to this point, there are standard responses and solutions that society offers for particular problems. Although an approach could provide you with a quick solution, adopting these easy solutions will limit your creativity and innovative thinking. In doing so, you prevent yourself from learning the creative problem solving required to solve problems society is yet to solve. 

The first step in becoming more creative in our problem solving is by looking at the world around us differently. There are several binary distinctions made in society, such as body/mind and man/woman. However, the reality is there is more nuance than these binaries. Therefore, prevent yourself from becoming desensitized to the nuances that lie between. The best way of doing this is by creating new and uncommon connections between objects in your environment. 

The Example of Einstein

One famous study showed that after 10,000 hours of practice in a given field, the brain is qualitatively changed. Your brain builds brand-new connections between formerly unconnected areas. This enables you to quickly visualize any given problem in that field in a different way. Greene compares this to the eureka moments we all sometimes experience. Opening yourself to new experiences increases your chances of experiencing these eureka moments. For example, Einstein used to play the violin while he pondered theoretical problems. This was Einstein’s way of learning to problem-solve creatively. Therefore, you can do the same. 

Ego is the Enemy

Leave a Comment

Ego Is Recognition Without Work

Ryan Holiday describes the ego as a desire to receive recognition without doing the work required for this recognition. Recognition is generally related to success. However, some people attempt to obtain this recognition before they have achieved success. 

Ryan Holiday offers an example of an egoist. Ulysses S. Grant is a former US president. Before his presidency, he was a well-known general who had obtained significant success. However, Grant had no experience in the political sphere. Therefore, he generalized his army success to the political sphere. This encouraged a desire to win the highest political office. This generalization of success shows that Grant was an egoist. Comparatively, William Sherman was successful but not an egoist. His ambition had a solid foundation of genuine achievements. Sherman was also a general serving in the military and fought alongside Grant. Sherman was also successful, but he was not an egoist. Hence, as the end of Abraham Lincoln’s second term drew near, Grant was determined to push himself into politics. Comparatively, Sherman decided to keep working hard in the field he was successful in. This was military leadership. 

There’s Always More to Learn

Our ego is fed by the belief that we know everything. The reality is that there’s always more to learn. Therefore, you can prevent your ego from taking over by reminding yourself of this fact. There’s always somebody better than you. Ryan Holiday offers the example of Kirk Hammett. Hammett was a talented guitarist in the 80s, and in 1980 he was asked by Metallica to join their band. This was a fantastic opportunity, as he could have become a member of one of the most famous rock bands of all time. However, Hammett knew he had more to learn. He rejected their offer and became a student of a guitar genius, Joe Satriani. This period of growth helped Hammett become a significantly better musician. Three years later, he took up Metallica’s offer and obtained the recognition he deserved for his hard work. He now consistently places among the best guitarists of all time.

Teaching other people is another way of keeping your ego in check. For example, martial-arts expert, Frank Shamrock, believes that training beginners is crucial for maintaining a humble mindset. Training beginners helps you appreciate the full spectrum of skill levels and reminds you of your hard work to reach your current skill level.

Aspiration Without Action Is Nothing

Ryan Holiday recommends you stop talking and start doing. You need to stop telling people that you are going to do something good. This expression of your aspiration is purely used to obtain admiration and feed your ego. Those who are successful throughout history are those who delay gratification. These individuals receive gratification when they have done something right.

Before starting a task, you should always ask yourself: Am I doing this to be somebody or do something? If you are only doing something to be somebody, then you are merely feeding your ego. You are behaving in a way that will provide you with affirmation. The alternative is to want to do something for the action itself. More often than not, this type of action will be making a difference in the world.

Success Relies on Keeping Your Ego in Check

Success can lead to your ego taking over. However, your future success is also dependent on your ability to keep your ego in check. It is easy to start believing you are the greatest when you achieve a degree of success. Subsequently, you may stop challenging your ego. However, countless examples of highly successful leaders faltered as their ego got the best of them. This faltering is associated with believing you no longer have to do the fundamentals of success. Therefore, to prevent this from happening, try to reconnect with the world. Take a walk in nature or gaze into the night sky. Experience the infinite so you can better connect with the world. Each time you feel detached from the fundamentals, attempt to reconnect with the basics of life again.

Failure Is Part of Life

Nobody is successful forever. There are two constants in life: change and transformation. You can let your ego get the better of you and allow failure to break you. Or, you can utilize failure as a learning opportunity and a springboard towards obtaining tremendous success in the future. Ryan Holiday breaks failure down into alive time and dead time. Dead time is characterized by feeling sorry for yourself and blaming others and the surrounding environment. During dead time, some even claim that they are hopeless. This period, as Robert Green points out, is characterized by passivity. Alternatively, alive time involves utilizing this period of failure to learn something, grow further, and become a better person. It is characterized by action and learning.

The 9 Tips for Challenging Your Ego

Tip No. 1: +, – and =

Holiday argues that to frequently challenge your ego, you need to surround yourself with a wide variety of people. You need people who are +s. +s are those who are better than you at the tasks you are most interested in. These people are integral to challenging the idea that you have ‘made it’ or are the best you can be. They will help teach you and help you grow. 

Additionally, you also need -s. -s are people who are less skilled than you in the tasks you are interested in. This will help foster humility. You can help teach these people and provide support rather than purely focusing on personal success. 

Finally, you need =s, who are your equal in a particular task. These people will help you grow as they will challenge you and push you to provide your best effort. Effort is the most important thing in life. Not the success or failures associated with your efforts.

Tip No. 2: Don’t Be Passionate, Be Purposeful

Holiday uses the example of John Wood, basketball coach for the all-time leading scorer in NBA history: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar described his highly successful coach as actively dispassionate. This characteristic is opposed to the frequently revered stereotype of coaches being overly passionate individuals. Instead, John Wood argued that passion and emotions get in the way of the job at hand. We must simply do our job to the best of our ability and not be a slave to passion. Passion distracts us from all the work that needs to be done to acquire the successes associated with passionate, inspirational ideas or speeches.

Based on this premise, Holiday argues that we must challenge the idea of passion and instead focus on purpose. Purpose removes the ego from our aspirations, as it focuses on something bigger than ourselves. It pushes you to ask more questions on how you can reach an end goal. This is rather than dreaming about the success of the end goal. Make your life about what you must do and say instead of what you care about and what you wish to be.

Tip No. 3: Try to Become a Student and Stay a Student

Being a student in life is fundamental to challenging your ego. It means you are actively accepting that another individual knows more about or is more skilled in a specific domain than you. Through this process of always seeking out opportunities to be a student, you are challenging the idea you are all-knowing in any domain. This will help you learn more and ground yourself in your current understanding and the actions required to reach the next goal.

Tip No. 4: Get Out of Your Own Mind

Plato historically argued that we, as humans, feast on our own thoughts. We fester with thoughts of who we are going to be and what we are going to do when we are successful. These thoughts distract us from the tasks at hand, which are the actions required to make this success a reality. Do not live in a passionate fiction, but an actionable reality.

Tip No. 5: Swallow Your Pride

Pride is one of the most dangerous features of our ego. Pride helps make minor failures seem monumental and small successes huge accomplishments. The issue with the exaggeration associated with pride is that it does not help us strive towards greater success. In our eyes, we have already achieved success, irrespective of reality. All the positive attributes required for success are dulled by pride: our ability to form relationships, learn, and adapt. A humble person is always improving; a prideful person is not.

Tip No. 6: Find the Perfect Balance

Aristotle described virtue and excellence as points on a spectrum. The center of this spectrum is optimum. Holiday builds on this point by arguing that we, as individuals, need to find the perfect balance. Moving towards the extremes will only provide risks. Holiday also points out that moving towards the extremes can be easy. It is easy to be complacent, and it is easy to merely focus on ourselves and not the bigger picture. We need to find the perfect balance. This perfect balance involves efficiently improving ourselves and the world.

Tip No. 7: Detach yourself from the outcome

For this tip, Holiday uses the example of John Kennedy Toole. An author whose book was universally rejected, Toole subsequently committed suicide. Following his death, his mother continued to publicize his book. Toole’s book, posthumously, won the Pulitzer Prize. This is an example of how we must detach ourselves from the outcome of our efforts. As stated earlier, all we have the right to is our efforts, not the fruits of our efforts.

Tip No. 8: Katabasis – We Need to Fall to Learn

In Ego is the Enemy, Holiday utilizes the Greek word katabasis. Katabasis directly translates as ‘going down.’ Katabasis relates to the frequent instances of characters falling and reaching distinct lows within Greek mythology. These distinct lows are then followed by the characters emerging with heightened awareness, motivation, and knowledge. Katabasis forces you to face your reality and grow as an individual. So, try to use your low points as a time to learn.

Tip No. 9: Maintain Your Own Scorecard

Focus on your own internal barometer. This internal barometer is your own measure of success. Put your utmost effort into becoming the best person you can be, rather than attempting to meet the expectations of the outside world. A person who focuses on this internal motivation won’t crave the spotlight as much as somebody who lets the spotlight dictate their own success.

Most of Our Success Is Not Our Own

One common error is the belief that success is solely attributable to ourselves. More often than not, our success is equally attributable to other people. Understanding and accepting the importance of others will keep your ego in check.